Recently I took a break from trying to push my limits. To get up and have a plan and making everything around me work without interruption. Juggling time,getting a business to work, kids, chores, bills, my emotional mother. The guilt that I felt was intense. How can I, of all people, at this junction in my life earn a time out? Can a divorced women with 2 children and a home to keep deserve a break? My mother would say to me, “Dani, you need to keep focused.” And the whole time she was not understanding that I just needed time. Time for my body to settle back to it’s norm. I was on the go, running around scared to not let anything be interrupted more then it had to be, that I forgot to take care of me in the interm. I had read Eat, Pray, Love at different times in my life. And at different times I picked up something different. It’s amazing how that happens when you pick up the same book at a different time of your life and it can have a completely different message then the last time. This time the message was clear...Dolce Far Niente… the sweetness of doing Nothing!
When I was younger I remember when my room got so messy to the point where my mother wasn’t able to cope with looking at it anymore, she would take everything out and pile it in the middle of the floor. My whole closet and drawers were stacked in the middle of the room in this horrid mess. I would start little by little organizing everything. What I learned from that experience was pretty much what I did at this junction of my life. I took everything in my life and threw it in the middle of the floor reorganizing little by little my life. Throwing out things that no longer pertained, no longer served me and really took a hard look at the things that were left. I wanted to scream I was a mess! I felt like I was drowning. It wasn’t pretty.
But I did it, I took a break, fell in love, let things get messy and put things back together. I finally decided to allow my life to happen instead of what someone wanted me to do, it opened my heart to all the wonderful things that were always there. I let go of fear. I let go of the what-if’s and let life happen. I allowed the guiltless pleasure of not disappointing anyone.
What was left is insanely amazing! I am so grateful for all the things that I have in my life! For the tremendous sense of peace because everything is where it’s suppose to be!
It’s ok to take break. Allow yourself that gift. Allow yourself to get messy and put back together. You never know what will happen! ❤