Start of a New Year

The emphasis of the beginning of something new makes me ecstatic with joy!   I know that last year was a pretty hard one with all new experiences made.   Divorce should be called “a little death”, not only because of the huge experience of loss that you suffer that no one, but someone who has gone through it can understand, also because everything around you is based on firsts.  My first holiday apart, my first major crisis apart…. No one gets how hard, no matter the circumstances of the separation is, it truly is.  The gaps between the kids leaving, the lack of wanting to make anything for yourself to eat cause whats the purpose. The feeling of coming alive as soon as you hear those little piddle paddle of your children’s feet running up the stairs yelling your name given by them.  Divorce, still such a dirty word to utter, even though statistic show that more then 50% of all marriages end in it.  Why is there still such a taboo in our society.

People treat you like they can’t relate anymore.  That your life has completely altered because of this one moment in your life that is suppose to define who you are.  Like wearing the scarlet letter on your chest, instead of an A you wear a D…. As if it was a failure.   As if you were the one who failed.  But we, who have gone down that path know too well that it is not a failure, but a triumph.  Who only are brave enough to admit that things are not correct and even with therapy and talking things will not change.

I have lived through the majority of my firsts now.  I thank my mom and my closest friends, who were there for me, to pick me up and brush me off.  Who understood that I needed time to heal.  That it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with them and enjoy life with them but that I needed that time to really find myself again.   That self that didn’t define who I was without him.   Seventeen years I was Dani & …..  Now I stand strong with my chin held high, awaiting all the wonderful experiences that are to come.  I am no longer defined by a relationship.  I am no longer defined by a word.  I am just simply defined…

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